Imagine you are a teapot.  Yes – You are a teapot.  In this teapot is your favorite, finest tea steeped perfectly.  You share your tea with anyone who needs it.  You share with your partner and kids.  You share with your clients.  You share with your friends.  You share your wonderful tea with anyone who could use your help.  People aren’t always appreciative of your tea but you know as a parent, partner, social worker (or anyone else who works with people like nurses, customer service, firefighters, teachers etc.) that not only do you have responsibility to be a good parent, partner and worker but that you like helping other people.  You like seeing people succeed.  You like seeing your kids happy.  So you give your tea to others.  There comes a time when your tea runs low and you are tired and just don’t have the time to blend your tea perfect so you throw some water in your teapot and a couple of tea bags and keep sharing your tea.  It might not be as good tea as you shared before, but that is the way life is.  We keep going.  As much as you like sharing your tea a little bit of resentment starts creeping in.  A part of you think – why can’t they get their own tea. You starting thinking “can’t anyone else help out here?”   You are doing what you’ve always done, but now you can’t seem to replenish your tea fast enough.  You  keep running out of tea and you just can’t keep up.  You are now a frustrated, tired and sometimes resentful teapot.    You don’t have to be the empty teapot.  You are allowed to spend time replenishing it.  If you take the time to replenish your teapot you will feel more balanced and productive and you will actually help and care for those in your life better.

Some tips to refill your teapot.  (AKA  Tips for Self-Care!)

• Let go of the guilt of time for yourself and stop thinking it is selfish. Selfish is a pattern of putting yourself before everyone else in your life.  If self-care is something you struggle with, the chances are being selfish isn’t your problem.
• You don’t have to make it a production. Self-Care doesn’t have to take lots of time.  It can be a small ritual you do every day.  You could put 15 minutes aside to read your favorite book or sit at the kitchen table and drink your coffee alone or take a daily walk around the block.  Self-care doesn’t have to be a big project – it can be about taking advantage of little moments what present themselves.
• Remember respecting yourself enough to provide self-care is a great way to role-model to your clients, children, co-workers, friends and family how to take care of themselves. It shows them how to honor themselves enough to care for themselves.
• Sleep 8 hours a night. Stop laughing.  Sleep is imperative to rejuvenate us.  I hazard a guess that most adults do not get enough sleep.
• Remember your passions and hobbies. I bet you used to have hobbies and things you liked to do that didn’t revolve around your work, partner or kids.  Focus on reigniting your passions and spend a little time doing the things you love.
• Don’t eschew social activities because you are tired. A feeling many of us may be familiar with is dread before going out to a social activity because it is just one more task to do and then elation if it happens to get cancelled.  Pick and choose some social activities that you actually enjoy and make yourself get up, get dressed and go.
• Say no sometimes. Although you are irreplaceable to those who love you, it turns out you are not indispensable for everything.  At work,  if you can’t take on one more project because you are stretched too thin, the project will go on with or without you.  If you can’t make dinner one Thursday night – your family is unlikely to starve and they will figure it out.  You are not required to do everything everyone asks of you.  It is ok to say No.
• Keep your body as healthy as you can by activity and eating well. I am pretty terrible at this one but when I focus on it I feel better and have more to offer others.  Is this possibly true for you too?
• Find moments to be grateful. Don’t use being grateful as an excuse to not take care of yourself.  Use gratefulness to change your attitude and help you find moments that are healing you.  Gratefulness may help you find the moments that are helping you care for yourself the best.

Don’t assume it is hopeless or “just the way it is.”  If you tell yourself that life is just busy and no one who is doing what they are supposed to finds time for themselves – that just isn’t true.  If you believe self-care is futile until some later date in time (until you retire or your kids are grown for example) then you will be letting a great portion of your life pass you by and likely enjoying it much less than is possible and even being much less productive than you would like.   You don’t earn points for being the most tired or wearing yourself down to the bone.  This is it.  This is your life.  Take some time and fill your teapot.

Social media assists the social worker with connecting with others.  People spend a lot of time on their computers and smart phones.   Social Media helps you market your practice and lets your clients know who you are.  I don’t know how many times someone said to me “Your website was so welcoming” or “the quotes you put on Facebook really help me be more positive.”  It humanizes you and you can share your message with others.

Social Media also opens up a path to communicating with other professionals.  There are therapists in different states that I have never met in person but I have shared dialogue with and learned from.  It allows for perspectives outside of just our immediate circle.  Randomly, it has also helped me engage with my adolescent clients.  In the world of technology I am old!  The youth I see teach me about different sites and apps and it helps build rapport.  (I would have no idea how to use or even what snapchat is if it weren’t for my adolescent clients!!!)

If you do utilize social media as business, remember that once you put something on the internet – it is there forever.  Even if you delete a post, someone will be able to find.  Think carefully about what you put out there.  It is ethically responsible to have a social media policy.  It isn’t OK for you to be Facebook friends with your clients.  As the social worker, you will have to make the effort to maintain boundaries.  Here’s a quick example of a social media policy but they can definitely be more inclusive and specific.

Social Media Policy

I do not accept friend or contact requests from current or former clients on any social networking site (Facebook, LinkedIn, etc). I believe that adding clients as friends or contacts on these sites can compromise your confidentiality and our respective privacy. It may also blur the boundaries of our therapeutic relationship.

I keep a Professional Facebook Page for my practice to allow people to share my blog posts and other information I think is interesting or may be useful.  You are welcome to “like” my professional page.  No one except me is able to see who likes my page.  Please remember if you post on my page that everything else on the page is available for anyone to read.  Your privacy and confidentiality are my upmost concern.

Using technology can also give a means to offering services to individuals who may otherwise not get services.  Someone may live in a rural area or be afraid to leave their house or not have transportation or have issues with mobility – and with technology they can still receive services.  Obviously, online therapy is not right for everyone – for example someone who is suicidal – but I hope social workers don’t just dismiss the idea out of hand.   Here is my online therapy page so you have an explanation example.  Feel free to use any of the information from the page (and remember what works for me may not be a fit for everyone.)      http://holdinghopeservices.com/online-therapy-and-coaching/

Are their risks to online therapy and using social media?  YES.  Yes in big letters.  First be knowledgeable.  Get educated in using online technology.  Spend time on the internet educating yourself on best practice. If you are doing teletherapy a good resource to start your journey is at http://onlinetherapyinstitute.com/.   There is even a distance learning credential you can earn.  Take time to learn about the ins and outs of the online world.  For example, did you know that Skype isn’t HIPAA compliant?  Thankfully there are HIPAA compliant online therapy platforms out there.  Also think about email.  I use a confidential email through an internet medical records program for passing protected health information.  If I use my other email (usually for scheduling purposes only)  there is a disclosure indicating that the email isn’t necessarily confidential.

Here is an example of my disclosure.  Again, just an example and not meant to be inclusive for all.

Please  keep in mind that email communications are not to be necessarily considered secure.
Please be cautious with the information you reveal through these methods as I cannot assure confidentiality in those cases.
Remember that email may not be read in a timely manner.  If this is an emergency, please go to the nearest emergency room or call 911.
If you have received this e-mail in error, please immediately notify the sender by e-mail at the address shown.  This e-mail transmission may contain confidential information.  This information is intended only for the use of the individual(s) or entity to whom it is intended even if addressed incorrectly.  Please delete it from your files if you are not the intended recipient. Thank you for your compliance.

I’m not trying to scare you with all these disclosures – just want to make sure you start thinking about the big picture of using the internet.  I participate in several social media platforms including Facebook, Pinterest and twitter and I blog out my thoughts too so I am embracing technology.

We haven’t even begun to discuss Apps.  There are tons of apps that can help clients.  I’ve used some that help with cognitive processing therapy, that track anxiety/moods and even ones that help with motivational thoughts.  Go into the App store on your tablet or smart phone and search for mental health apps. You might be surprised at the wealth of useful tools.

Fortuitously,  Jay Taylor offered to share this infogram regarding social work and technology.  It is an excellent snapshot of social work and technology!

Technology is Revolutionizing Social Work

It turns out though – that even though we are assisting people in finding their way – their choices and their desired outcomes aren’t up to us.  One of the main tenets of social work is self – determination.

The National Association of Social Workers states self-determination is an ethical principle of professional practice.

 “Social workers respect and promote the right of clients to self-determination and assist clients in their efforts to identify and clarify their goals. Social workers may limit clients’ right to self-determination when, in the social workers’ professional judgment, clients’ actions or potential actions pose a serious, foreseeable, and imminent risk to themselves or others.”

It is imperative that a social worker is aware of their own value system and beliefs so they aren’t subconsciously or subtly moving the client to the clinician’s goals.  You want to act for your client’s best interest but who decides what that is?

Maybe you are a social worker providing case management to an individual in the community who is struggling with medical needs.  The client is diagnosed with diabetes and has dangerously high blood sugars because he isn’t interested in following the diet.  If he continues to disregard the diet it is possible his kidneys could fail and he will have to go on dialysis or he may lose a limb.  As the social worker you may be thinking the choice to follow the diet is obvious but the client doesn’t agree.  What could you do?  You would discuss with him the consequences of not following the prescribed diet and explore the barriers and his feelings.  However, if the client still says “I get it, I am not going to follow the diet.  It is just not important to me” then that is OK.  The social worker doesn’t get to say – let’s throw out all the unhealthy food or I’m not going to help you get assistance if you don’t follow the diet.  His choice may not be the same choice you or I might make but it is still his choice.

Clients often make life choices we wouldn’t choose for ourselves.  Sometimes people prefer to be homeless rather than live in an apartment.  Sometimes people will choose to cheat on their spouse.  Sometime people will stay in a job that seems to be completely unhealthy.  Someone could choose to not take psychotropic medication and still function in the community.   A client’s religious or other cultural values might feel abhorrent to you but it is not on the social worker to change them but to meet the client where they are at and let them live their own destiny.  It can be frustrating for a social worker because you want so much for your client’s to be successful.  Each of the clients we work with know themselves better than we know them.

I had a client once who left a destructive and abusive marriage and really struggled with self-confidence.  Almost immediately after the separation the client came in and said she met someone on an internet dating site.  She went on to share all these reservations she had regarding the man.  Within 2 months she was engaged to him.    In my head – I’m thinking “this seems like a really bad idea.”  She ended up being engaged for about a year and then married this man.  Now, they have been married about 4 years and this relationship seems to be the most stable and affirming that the client has ever been in.  I definitely wanted what I believed was in best for this client but if I had pushed her to what I thought was going to be better for her – I would have been wrong.  She knew herself better than I knew her.

Of course there are times when safety and well-being take precedence over self-determination.  A social worker will use their professional judgement to make that decision.  There are obvious situations such as when a client is suicidal with a plan or planning to cause destructive harm to another where the decision to act against the client’s choice is relatively.   However, deciding to limit a person’s self-determination is often not clear cut at all.

How can you make sure you are encouraging client self-determination?

• Start by asking the clients what they want for themselves? Ask those open-ended questions and see where it goes.
• Help them clarify their goals and set concrete hopes. Make sure they are the client’s goals – not what you think they should work on.
• Be cautious of having an agenda. There might be things you want to cover in a session but the client should determine where the conversation goes.
• Ask yourself – Is this what the client wants or is it me who thinks this is a good idea?
• Is what the client plans to do put them or someone else at imminent risk for harm.
• Consult with other social workers to get different perspectives.
• Remind yourself that your client’s reactions and their situation is not about you.
• Ask yourself – Is there a really good reason I am taking away this person’s right of choice?

As a social worker, self-determination is a value I have a huge affinity for. I have found there are times when I am in a room full of professionals and everyone is stating what they think will be best for the client regardless of what the client is saying they actually want.  As a social worker, I am sometimes the lone voice advocating for the individual’s choice.

Perhaps one of the reasons I became a social worker is that I want to choose my own path and I believe that each person should be able to choose theirs and this career gives me a way to fight for people.

People tell me all the time that they couldn’t do what I do as a social worker.  You probably hear stories about working in the field and think you wouldn’t know what to do if someone is in emotional crisis.  It can be scary.  However, I bet you wouldn’t be drawn to social work if you didn’t have some knack with people already. As you gain experience you will build on your innate people skills and learn different ways to interact.  Here are some tips to get started.  (And they don’t just work with clients – they can work with all your relationships.)

• Listen – The bottom line.  When someone is agitated or sad – listen to them.  Listen beyond the words.  Are they screaming in rage but really scared?   I think we are all a little guilty of spending so much time thinking about what our response is going to be that we don’t always fully listen. There is time for the response after you listen.  Sometimes – all you can do is listen and bear witness to someone’s struggle.
• Reflect Back – In most situations it is important the person knows that you are not just listening but also understanding.  Paraphrase and repeat back what the person is telling you.  Let your words show you understand.    You could be saying the most reasonable, calming words to someone in distress but if they don’t think you understand– they will not hear you.  Don’t worry if you get it a bit wrong.  If you do, the individual is sure to correct you and will likely give you a clue of what to say.  One roadblock some people run into, is a belief that understanding equals agreement.  It is not the same.  Acknowledging a person’s feelings and viewpoint is not the same as saying they are correct.
• Empathy – If you just are unsure what else to say – use an empathetic statement. Something like “It seems like you are having a tough time right now” or “I imagine you might feel a bit afraid” can make all the difference. You can use empathy with friends and family too!  Instead of trying to give advice or fix their concerns – a empathetic statement or two may make the people in your life feel you really get them!
• Allow for physical space – An easy thing to do but so often forgotten. When someone is agitated they generally need more physical space.  A distressed individual might need dou ble or triple the space with which they normally would be comfortable.  If someone seems to get more upset as you move closer then take a step back.  You might have the instinct to give a hug or a pat on the back.  People tend to be more physically sensitive with heightened emotion.  It is probably a good idea to not touch someone in anguish and give space.  If holding their hand or touch seems very appropriate – ask for permission and respect their answer.
• Don’t personalize – I tell people in therapy all the time that no one is thinking about them as much as they think about themselves. In a Social Work setting, very rarely will what someone is saying have anything to do with you.  We’ve all heard that hurt people hurt others.  When someone is agitated in crisis they may say things that are cruel or mean.  No matter what they say, remember it isn’t about you.
• Be Honest– For me, one of the hardest things is when I am working with someone and there seems to be only bad choices and bad answers from which to choose. Telling someone things will be OK when they really won’t or agreeing to something that isn’t true is not helpful for anyone.  Lying will not deescalate the person in the long run.  You will become just another person who lied to them.  (By the way – if there are no responses you can give the person that will be helpful – go for the empathy!)

The above tips seems so simple but they can make the difference between a situation ending hopefully rather than badly.  Being able to help someone deescalate and move forward can be one of the most kind and compassionate tasks you can do as a Social Worker.

What are ethics?  What does it mean to be ethical?   Ethics are different than the law.

The law is about what is legal.  For example, everyone talks about the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPPA.)  This is a law.  Choosing not to follow this or other laws could lead to criminal charges, convictions, prison and/or monetary fines and other penalties.

Ethics are about the “should.”  Ethics are what choice a person “ought” to make.   There are not necessarily legal ramifications for not being ethical (although there could be professional or moral consequences.)  Ethics are where a person asks- “What is the best decision in this situation.”  Unfortunately, when you are working with complex clients the best choice isn’t always obvious.  Many times a professional will have to choose between several not so ideal choices and decide which choice is least harmful.

As a social worker your ethical quandaries will be many.  One of my jobs is assisting individuals transitioning out of a nursing home into the community.  An ethical dilemma I might have is deciding where the line is between the individual’s right of self-determination to decide their own life and decisions that are adversely affecting their safety. If a person wants to live in the community and I don’t think they are going to be successful I would have to scrutinize if they are able to cognitively understand the ramifications of moving to the community or if they are not able to reasonably make a decision.

Another ethical dilemma might be when working with a teen in private practice.  Maybe the youth discloses their use of illicit drugs.  In my state, youth over 12 have the right to confidentiality in therapy – even from their parents – unless very specific circumstances are present.   My ethical question might be figuring out when the youth’s drug use is covered under confidentiality and when it becomes a situation where I need to break confidentiality.  Ethical dilemmas come in all shapes and sizes.  A dilemma may be wondering if you should accept food from a client or if it is OK to do a session at the coffee shop just this one time because the client’s car broke down and they can walk there.  Every day in the social work field you will have to use your judgment to make ethical decisions.

Some ideas to help with making ethical decisions.

• Training – Take continuing education classes and seminars. Learn about the populations you work with.  Learn about the presenting problems and learn about quality interventions.  A professor once mentioned in my classes that there will always be more to learn about people.  There is no way to no everything there is to know about people.  A social worker’s practice is people.  Don’t stop learning.
• Supervision – Especially for newer therapists having a supervisor provide feedback on your cases can be beneficial. Consider supervision from a more experienced Practioner whenever you start a new specialty or undertake a new field.
• Consultation – Talk to other therapists and receive feedback about your interventions. Every month I meet with a group of therapists to discuss the cases with which we struggle.  This is so invaluable.  Another therapist can provide just the added insight to give a better perspective.
• Be open to feed back. I know a therapist who doesn’t really consult.  She sometimes asks other therapists for their opinions on a case but she isn’t really looking for honest feedback.  She is looking for validation in her choices.   Having someone just agree with all your choices is not going to ensure you are practicing ethically.
• Keep adequate records of interventions.  The member deserves an appropriate health record.  It also ensures that you have a place where your reasoning and decisions are noted.
• Join a professional organization. If you are a social worker one option is that you can join the National Association of Social Workers.  In almost every specialty there is a professional association providing support.  These professional organizations can assist you with keeping up to date with best practice and standards for your chosen area.

In your day to day work it may be beneficial to identify the different ethical dilemmas that pop up and examine how you made your choices.  If you have other ideas on ways to maintain an ethical practice please share!

Are you curious about your fit as a social worker? Are you wondering what qualities are beneficial to have?   These are a few of the skills I believe are essential for a modern social worker.

Passion – The number one quality I want in an employee is passion. Whatever part of social work you end up in, it is imperative to develop a passion for it.  Don’t worry if you are unsure what you are passionate about.  As you develop your career you will find you are drawn to different things.

Be Ready for anything – I started in social work over 20 years ago.  I have worked with all ages of the spectrum from birth to end of life.  I have met and witnessed thousands of individual’s precious stories.  You might think there is nothing I haven’t heard but I am still consistently surprised.

Be able to honestly identify your own bias – Know yourself.  Social work is one of the jobs where you have to be willing to really look at your own values and beliefs.  Since a social worker influences people and systems our own beliefs can get in the way.  We want to support and assist people in finding their own way – not pass our own judgments on the way we think they should live.

Meeting People Where They are instead of where we think they “should” be –  As a social worker you often have to watch people struggle, fail and find their own way.    Your job is to guide and provide unconditional positive regard, not fix them.

Ability to not be liked – I had a professor say “if your clients like you all the time then you probably aren’t doing your job.”  As a social worker, we often work with people at their most fragile times.  We will touch nerves with our clients.  It is likely people will become frustrated with us.

You will have to speak up – even when no one will agree with you. –  Social workers look at the person in their environment.  In addition to an individual’s internal voice, a social worker looks at how their relationships, work, school and other systems interplay with the individual.   To be an ethical social worker you will likely have to speak up with people who may have more degrees or perceived power than you.  For example, when I worked in medical social work, a doctor might say a client is being non-compliant because they are not taking medication or missing appointments.  As the social worker, you might know the individual is struggling with finances and has no money to buy medication.  You might know the individual has no transportation or childcare so struggles with getting to appointments.  To be a social worker it is essential to be comfortable speaking up!

Ability to live in the gray. – A social worker is dealing with people.  The thing about people is that we are complicated.   Situations won’t necessarily be clear cut and it is important you can be comfortable with ambivilance.

Ability to take care of yourself – A social worker’s job is never done.  Very few times in my career have I had moments where everything was checked as completed on my task list.  If a social worker is unable to say no sometimes or unable to take time for themselves they will burn out quickly.  Unfortunately, this means talented and wise social workers leave the field while they still could be catalyst for change.

If you are reading this list and know this is the calling for you – welcome!  The journey and rewards will be more than you can even imagine.

It might seem obvious that mine might start with “I’m a social worker who…” And I am a social worker and I am proud to be a social worker but that isn’t how my elevator speech starts.

“Hi, I’m Julie and I have a passion to help people live the life they want to live.”  That is it. That is what it means to me to be a social worker. I support people in their quests to live their best life.  To live their passions rather than just getting by. No matter what your role is as a social worker – you are likely helping people improve the quality of their lives and you do it by meeting them where they are and with the dreams they have. I believe that life is so much more for people who live their passion so of course I want to help everyone do so.

The thing is, sometimes people in helping professions such as social workers, nurses, teachers and many others- know how to help others reach their goals but full a little bit short of making their own goals. I am definitely guilty of sometimes forgetting to take my own advice. Below are some tips to living your passion that not only can you pass on to clients but you can remember so you are following your own passion.

• Figure out what your passion is. All the time in sessions I ask people what does being happy mean to them. People mostly struggle with the answer. Figure out specifically what interests you and what really being happy means to you.  How will you never live your life to the fullest if you don’t know what that is for you?
• You don’t have to earn being happy. There isn’t a big scale in the sky making sure you have had enough hard times before you get to be happy. Struggles and sadness are part of life. You won’t be able to avoid them but they aren’t a prerequisite to living your life fully. You are worthy of being happy
• Step outside of your comfort zone. Try something new. When we are uncomfortable we are growing. People often stay in less than ideal situations just because they are familiar. It is easier but you miss out on the exhilaration of new experiences and actually finding where you should be.
• Remember that most barriers are of your own making. People find time or money for the things they want to do. Honestly look at what is getting in your way from taking the next steps in your dreams. You will likely find the roadblocks are not insurmountable – you just have decided to see them that way.
• Comparison –Don’t do it. I’ve read comparison is the thief of joy somewhere. Remember that. When you compare yourself to others you only see the highlights of their life.
• There will be ebbs and flows. If you have a bad day or don’t live up to your own expectations – remind yourself that this too shall pass.
• Just because it could be worse doesn’t mean you can’t want it to be better. Yes – be grateful for all that you do have and all that you are. Other people may have more difficult circumstances or choices but you don’t have to hold back because your life is tolerable.
• Time passes if you live your passions or not. We always think there is time to do the things we really want to do. We tell ourselves when we get older or when the kids grow up we will find the time. We think when we make a little more money or weigh a little less or finish this big project then I can do it. Most of us think there is always time but it slips away so much quicker than expected.

Give yourself permission to stop enduring your life. Live. It is time to go to learn to knit or open that business or go back to school or become a foster parent or go see Stonehenge. Now is the time to live your life.

March is Social Worker Month! All you social workers – know you are making a difference!